In Which I Explain Myself Some More

Don't get me wrong, Snowflakes. I really meant what I said about the two-overworked-RNs who ran my PD program at FMC. They are two very different and appealing personalities and I liked them both for different reasons. But they took their program very seriously and it was all personal. I am the wrong patient for what they offered. I also took off to the other side of the country for a month when I was about eight weeks into the program and it was too early to go far away and also to expect good results.

If you are considering PD, please inform yourself before they put another series of holes in you to accommodate it. You will need a spare room in your home for the supplies. My supplies filled the entire spare room and it is not completely empty even now that I am a failure. I am hoping they come for the machine and cart sometime soon, too. Be ready to keep a professional inventory of all supplies, which range from cases of fluids to alcohol pads and everything imaginable in between. Be prepared to "beam up" at the same time every evening, no time off for good behavior and do not fail to follow a strict procedure to ensure freedom from infection and a good dialysis.  Keep immaculate records. Inject self with your Epogen and whatever other injectables are prescribed for you. If you can not bring yourself to do an IM injection on yourself, drag your spouse into the act. Chances are they will save up their entire week's aggravation until Sunday evening's Official Needletime and then, let go. Do not gain any weight in the face of three 2K-ml bags of sugar water/night. Instead, actually lose weight only to be told by the doctor that you're "gaining flesh weight" (only he makes it sound like you could get yourself a job in Coney Island if only you could waddle to the freak show). Oh, wait, that's just MY doctor.  Once you attach yourself and go to bed humming, know that you can not leave until the morning, after you disconnect the machine and record all statistics. Expect to be woken by the machine's alarm at least every two hours. Most of the time this will be because you are lying on the catheter. Never have a good night's sleep as a result. Follow the training you were given like a good little cultie and never deviate. Get sick again and again anyway. I hope it works out better for you. Honestly, I do. If you are a type A personality, like to follow lists and enjoy doing the exact same thing every evening at precisely the same time, you will be a natural.
I don't even sign my name the same way twice.
I was doomed from the start; your mileage may vary.